First of all, let's get something out in the open. Loneliness doesn't always mean you're never in the presence of others. You can be lonely in a crowded room or in a relationship. So what's the problem? Loneliness actually always comes down to being emotionally or spiritually disconnected from other human beings. Maybe you're lacking someone who really gets you, or maybe you're lacking the feeling of belonging to something.
The hard thing is that we don't even always know why we're lonely until we slow down and listen. Making space to listen to your feelings and consider what you need can be a total game changer. Do you need more substance in your conversation, more laughter, or just someone to sit in silence with you? If you know what you need, you can go find the right kind of connection.
Now that you have an idea of what you are lacking, it is time to create connections that truly count. Do not spend time accumulating a list of acquaintances whom you seldom communicate with. It is not the quantity, but the quality, that truly counts in this situation. Think about your closest friends or relatives—those individuals who truly listen and comprehend you. How often do you make time for them?
Putting yourself out there to create these relationships will feel uncomfortable at first, but most people enjoy the effort more than you know. And if you want to gain new friends, begin small. Join a class, go to a meetup, or simply engage with somebody with whom you share commonality. Remember, friendships grow when you show up regularly, even if that is just a brief coffee or text update.
Old-fashioned forms of socialization don't suit everyone, and that's just okay. Maybe you're introverted, busy, or just not into bars and big parties. Don't worry, there are a lot of other opportunities to join in. Have you thought about an online hobby group? Or a book club that's run on a virtual app? These kinds of groups can be more approachable than you'd expect and enable you to meet your tribe.
And let's not overlook the emerging realm of AI friends. These types of virtual buddies can provide a low-stakes means of practicing communication or having someone "listen" when you need it as an AI companion Joi.com does. The important thing is to discover what suits your style and schedule, so connection is a pleasant experience, not a task.
Here's something that isn't said enough: liking your own company is a superpower. You don't have to be around others all the time in order to be complete. Get into something you enjoy—perhaps that is painting, baking, restoring an old bike, or reading that novel on your bookshelf gathering dust. Go for a walk simply to get your head clear.
Go ahead and guiltlessly binge-watch that guilty pleasure show. You know, these small moments, the ones in which you're re-meeting yourself, are where happiness is developed. And if you incorporate small practices of self-care such as journaling or silent breathing exercises, you'll remain centered. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the less room there is for loneliness to take up—and the healthier your relationships will be as well.
There are some days when your loneliness seems to wash over you like a shower and it goes away quickly, but there are some days it's like a storm that won't give up. It's tough when you are stuck in your head and can feel hopeless. But there is hope and I want to make sure you know that talking to someone can really take the load off. It doesn't matter if it's a support worker, a close friend, or even a person in an online support group, it makes a difference when someone listens. It allows you to view things differently and, most of all, to realize you're not on your own in how you're feeling. It's frightening to reach out, but it's really a courageous move towards improvement. You do deserve help, and it is alright to seek it.
Loneliness may come to call on anyone at any given time, but don't need to invite it in your life to stay. You need to realize that you are more in control than you realize. Take the time to learn how to tune into what you really need, then build rich relationships and invest your time in things that nourish your soul. So the next time that feeling of loneliness starts to arise, breathe deeply, close those eyes and remind yourself that you have tools with which to work with it. And listen closely to this last point: If all else fails, even a virtual friend can make things seem a bit less silent.